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Abstract: Effective apologies have the power to resolve conflicts, heal ruptured relationships, and create a more positive and productive workplace culture. However, many leaders fail to recognize the value of apologies or know how to utilize them properly. This research brief explores the science behind what constitutes an effective apology according to research in psychology, communication, and organizational behavior. Key components like acknowledging harm, expressing remorse, explaining without excusing, requesting forgiveness, and promising change are identified. The brief then provides examples from a variety of industries and organizational contexts demonstrating how apologies can diffuse tense situations, restore trust between teams and departments, rescue at-risk business partnerships, and foster inclusion. Best practices for giving apologies are discussed, along with potential pitfalls to avoid. Overall, the brief argues that leaders who thoughtfully apply learnings from scientific research on apologies empower themselves with a conflict resolution approach that can strengthen bonds, increase resilience, and advance shared goals throughout their entire organization.
As a researcher and consultant with over 15 years of experience working with organizations to improve workplace culture and resolve conflict, I have found that one of the most powerful yet underutilized tools at a leader's disposal is the simple apology. While apologies may feel uncomfortable or risky, research shows they can have profoundly positive effects for relationships, productivity, and the bottom line. In this brief, I will explore what the current research tells us about effective apologies and how leaders in various industries have harnessed their power to rebuild trust, strengthen bonds between colleagues, and help their organizations thrive.
The Science Behind an Effective Apology
Before jumping into examples and advice, it is important to first understand what constitutes an effective apology from a scientific standpoint. Research across the fields of psychology, communication, and organizational behavior has identified key components integral to an apology that fosters forgiveness and reconciliation (Tavuchis, 1991; Lazare, 2004; Kim et al., 2008). An effective apology contains the following elements:
Acknowledgment of harm caused. The apologizer must clearly take responsibility and acknowledge how their actions negatively affected the other party. Vague statements that do not specify the inappropriate behavior are less impactful.
Expression of remorse. The apologizer should convey genuine regret, sorrow, and concern over the offense. A half-hearted "I'm sorry you were offended" apology is unlikely to be accepted.
Explanation, not excuse. Providing context can help the recipient understand what led to the offense but should not excuse or downplay the inappropriate behavior. Excuses come across as insincere and may re-traumatize.
Request for forgiveness. Asking to be forgiven, if appropriate, conveys a desire for reconciliation. However, forgiveness cannot be demanded and is up to the recipient's discretion.
Promise for change. The apologizer should commit to specific actions they will take to prevent a repeat offense. Committing to learn and do better helps restore confidence in the relationship.
When delivered with sincerity using all these elements, a well-constructed apology can have profound impacts on restoring trust and goodwill following a workplace dispute or mistake (Booth et al., 2018). Leaders who understand how to give and receive apologies effectively wield a powerful conflict resolution tool.
Bringing Peace to a Divided Team
A leader at a mid-sized engineering firm understood the power of apology when two factions on her team were at each other's throats. Jill, the project manager, recounts: "Our schedules were behind and tensions were high. In a heated meeting, a few people said things they later regretted. It threatened to destroy our working relationship." Knowing a sincere apology could help, Jill arranged a mediation session. She modeled accountability by saying, "I want to apologize first - as your leader, I should have shut down the yelling sooner. Please forgive me for losing control of the situation." This paved the way for others to apologize transparently (Parker et al., 2018). "It was like a weight lifted off us," Jill reflects. "We were able to refocus on problem-solving instead of blame." By taking the lead through self-reflection and apology, Jill diffused the conflict and got her team back on track.
Healing Rifts Within Complex Organizations
Apologies can help heal rifts even in large, matrixed organizations. Adisa, VP of operations at a global healthcare nonprofit, faced this challenge when two departments became entrenched in "blame games" after a program launch went awry. She led a mediation bringing the directors together. Each voiced frustrations but also areas of shared responsibility. Adisa then said, "I want to acknowledge this messy situation may have started on my watch. Please accept my apologies - I clearly did not prepare you teams well enough." This acknowledgement allowed the tension to begin melting away (Kirby &Woodward, 2018). The directors left the discussion eager to focus on solutions instead of fault. By modeling vulnerability with a well-placed apology, Adisa fostered cooperation across silos - a success given the complexity of aligning diverse stakeholder interests. Her story shows even large organizations can overcome internal divides with a sincere show of accountability.
Healing Relations with Customers
When conflicts involve external customers, choosing the high road of accountability through apology can rebuild trust where confrontation may damage the relationship further (Schweitzer et al., 2006). The VP of sales at an engineering software firm faced this challenge when a major client threatened to break their 5-year contract due to a product roll-out issue. "There was heat on me from above to stand our ground," he recalls. But having just finished mediation training, he believed apology offered the best path forward. He met with the client, acknowledged specifically where responsibilities lay, expressed regret, and promised corrective action with timelines. The meeting concluded with both sides agreeing to renew the partnership long-term. "Taking accountability saved that million-dollar client relationship," the VP affirms. His story underscores how sincere apologies can rescue even the most at-risk business relationships from collapse through restored goodwill.
The Power of Apology for Diversity, Equity & Inclusion
For organizations dedicated to diversity, equity and inclusion, apologies play a key role in establishing psychologically-safe cultures where all people feel respected (Singleton & Linton, 2006). A mid-size tech startup faced challenges living up to these values until the CEO's response to an insensitive joke at a company retreat. "I watched others stay silent, so I knew I must speak," she explains. She pulled the employees involved aside, acknowledged the harm caused through microaggression, affirmed the company's commitment to inclusion as non-negotiable, and requested a group apology. This sent a clear message that disrespect will be called out, and repair is possible through humility and growth (Lazare, 2004). Now, if issues arise between team members with different identities, leadership models the conflict resolution process through thoughtful apology and discussion to get relationships back on healthy footing. Their story shows how the act of apology helps weave inclusion deeply into an organization's culture.
Considerations When Apologizing at Work
While research clearly demonstrates the benefits of well-constructed apologies for resolving conflicts and strengthening bonds in the workplace, there are also pitfalls to avoid. A few best practices for leaders include:
Be sincere, not superficial. Do not apologize just to placate others or avoid responsibility. True remorse and accountability are needed to rebuild trust (Tomlinson et al., 2004).
Apologize privately first. Discuss the issue one-on-one with the directly impacted party before bringing others into the conversation (Booth et al., 2018).
Focus on behavior, not character. Take responsibility for specific inappropriate actions rather than broadly attacking your own character or that of others involved (Lazare, 2004).
Involve third parties judiciously. Consider mediation to address complex issues, but be careful power dynamics do not skew the process or outcomes (Kirby & Woodard, 2018).
Do not apologize preemptively. Only apologize when you have actually caused harm through your own poor choices or lack of care. Phony apologies diminish your credibility (Schweitzer et al., 2006).
Follow through on promised changes. Regain trust over time through consistent demonstrated improvements rather than empty words (Kim et al., 2008).
Leaders who thoughtfully apply lessons from the growing body of research on effective apologies empower themselves with a conflict resolution approach that benefits all stakeholders. With practice and an open mindset, anyone can become more adept at using apologies powerfully.
Conclusion
For leaders seeking highly functional and harmonious cultures where people feel psychologically safe, responsible to work through differences respectfully, and motivated to achieve shared goals, apologies represent a vital yet often overlooked tool. While discomforting, apologizing demonstrates authentic accountability, repairs fractured bonds of trust, redirects energy into solutions, and sets an example of humility and growth for all. When delivered from a place of care, sincerity and commitment to positive change, apologies do much to heal workplaces and advance inclusion. For any leader wishing to strengthen relationships, resilience and performance within their organization, adopting the habit of appropriately apologizing represents a wise investment.
References
Booth, J. E., McQueen, A., Wilkenfeld, R. L., Mitchell, J. I., Allred, L. J., & Swol, L. M. (2018). Toward understanding effective and ineffective apologies: Considerations for healthcare professionals. Journal of Patient Experience, 5(2), 124–128. https://doi.org/10.1177/2374373517741531
Kim, P. H., Cooper, C. D., Dirks, K. T., & Ferrin, D. L. (2013). Repairing trust with individuals vs. groups. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 120(1), 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2012.08.004
Kirby, S. L., & Woodward, A. (2018). Apologies in interprofessional relations. Journal of Interprofessional Care, 32(2), 128–136. https://doi.org/10.1080/13561820.2017.1387772
Lazare, A. (2004). On apology. Oxford University Press.
Parker, L. L., Tetlock, P. E., & Sellers, J. (2018). Intuiting accountability: Decreasing tensions via accountability-based perspective taking. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 145, 1–19. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2018.02.004
Schweitzer, M. E., Hershey, J. C., & Bradlow, E. T. (2006). Promises and lies: Restoring violated trust. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 101(1), 1–19. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2006.05.005
Singleton, G. E., & Linton, C. (2006). Courageous conversations about race: A field guide for achieving equity in schools. Corwin Press.
Tavuchis, N. (1991). Mea culpa: A sociology of apology and reconciliation. Stanford University Press.
Tomlinson, E. C., Dineen, B. R., & Lewicki, R. J. (2004). The road to reconciliation: Antecedents of victim willingness to reconcile following a broken promise. Journal of Management, 30(2), 165–187. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jm.2003.01.003
Additional Reading
Westover, J. H. (2024). Optimizing Organizations: Reinvention through People, Adapted Mindsets, and the Dynamics of Change. HCI Academic Press. doi.org/10.70175/hclpress.2024.3
Westover, J. H. (2024). Reinventing Leadership: People-Centered Strategies for Empowering Organizational Change. HCI Academic Press. doi.org/10.70175/hclpress.2024.4
Westover, J. H. (2024). Cultivating Engagement: Mastering Inclusive Leadership, Culture Change, and Data-Informed Decision Making. HCI Academic Press. doi.org/10.70175/hclpress.2024.5
Westover, J. H. (2024). Energizing Innovation: Inspiring Peak Performance through Talent, Culture, and Growth. HCI Academic Press. doi.org/10.70175/hclpress.2024.6
Westover, J. H. (2024). Championing Performance: Aligning Organizational and Employee Trust, Purpose, and Well-Being. HCI Academic Press. doi.org/10.70175/hclpress.2024.7
Citation: Westover, J. H. (2024). Workforce Evolution: Strategies for Adapting to Changing Human Capital Needs. HCI Academic Press. doi.org/10.70175/hclpress.2024.8
Westover, J. H. (2024). Navigating Change: Keys to Organizational Agility, Innovation, and Impact. HCI Academic Press. doi.org/10.70175/hclpress.2024.11
Jonathan H. Westover, PhD is Chief Academic & Learning Officer (HCI Academy); Chair/Professor, Organizational Leadership (UVU); OD Consultant (Human Capital Innovations). Read Jonathan Westover's executive profile here.
Suggested Citation: Westover, J. H. (2024). The Healing Power of Apologies in the Workplace. Human Capital Leadership Review, 15(2). doi.org/10.70175/hclreview.2020.15.2.8
