By Jonathan H. Westover, PhD
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Abstract: This article provides strategies for partners to help their spouse effectively cope with unrelenting work stress. It begins by outlining common sources and symptoms of occupational stress, such as overwhelming job demands, limited resources, and impacts to physical and mental health. Key steps are then discussed, including actively listening without judgment to validate a spouse's experiences, establishing boundaries around work hours and communication to foster renewal, encouraging preventative self-care routines, and dealing with changes through open communication and compromise. The article advocates modeling healthy behaviors at home by sharing responsibilities and prioritizing self-care. Workplace implications are considered, such as cultivating an organizational culture where employees feel cared for holistically. In conclusion, the article argues an ongoing effort recognizing fluctuating demands, combined with active support, builds individual and couple resilience to minimize stress' negative impacts.
We have all seen and experienced how unrelenting work stress can take take a tremendous toll on individuals and their personal lives. Today we will explore proactive steps partners can take to lighten the load and show care and compassion during demanding times.
Understanding the Sources and Symptoms of Stress
Before addressing how to help, it's important to recognize what causes workplace stress and how it commonly manifests. At their most basic level, stressors emerge from an imbalance between demands placed on an individual and the resources available to meet those demands (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). For many professionals like my spouse, never-ending to-do lists, unclear or conflicting priorities, long hours, limited autonomy, tense interpersonal dynamics, and constant connectivity enabled by technology all strain already limited personal reserves. Physiologically, when stress becomes chronic it releases hormones like cortisol that over time can damage everything from cardiovascular health to memory and mood (McEwen, 1998).
Some signs that a spouse may be experiencing high levels of work stress include:
Fatigue, insomnia, or changes in appetite or energy levels
Increased irritability, sadness, worry, or moodiness
Complaints of more frequent headaches, digestive issues, or other physical ailments
Withdrawal from social activities or hobbies once enjoyed
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Substance use or other unhealthy coping behaviors
Being observant of subtle shifts in a partner's behaviors, attitudes, or well-being can help identify when added support is needed.
Listening Without Judgment
A foundational first step in assisting a spouse with work stress is demonstrating compassion through active listening. Creating time and space for open communication allows stress to be acknowledged and validated rather than ignored or festered in isolation. However, venting alone does not mitigate strain—the support partner must listen without critique or attempts to immediately solve problems. Criticism or dismissal of a spouse's experience, even unintentionally, discourages future sharing that could help lighten the mental load (Cutrona, 1996).
When my partner comes home discouraged after a tough day, I make myself available, maintain eye contact, paraphrase to check understanding, and ask open-ended questions to fully grasp her perspective without judgment. Focusing on reflecting back her feelings normalizes a stressful situation rather than magnifying its perceived negativity. While a desire exists to "fix things," sometimes the most caring response is simply listening without interruption or offering unsolicited advice that wasn't requested in that moment. Regular check-ins, especially after high-pressure events, allow an outlet to process emotions rather than internalize them.
Establishing Boundaries Around Work Hours, Tasks, and Communication
Another key aspect of assisting a spouse to better cope with work demands involves creating boundaries around when, where, and how work intrudes on personal/family life (Pleck, 1977). For my wife as someone in a role demanding constant availability, disengaging fully after a certain evening hour or on weekends proved challenging yet critical for both her mental health and our relationship. We negotiated clear expectations up front regarding times for focusing solely on home and disconnecting communication channels that enabled constant access by emails and phones.
At first, my wife struggled separating even when physically home. Providing gentle reminders to be "present" rather than preoccupied with work helped reinforce the shift. On weekends, we agreed any urgent hospital matters would wait unless a true emergency. Over time, these boundaries cultivated a sense of control and allowed fully recharging. My partner also learned delegating lower-priority tasks to subordinates and saying "no" to some additional responsibilities assisted limiting her plate to a sustainable size. While perfectionism initially made letting go difficult, small steps toward prioritizing balance gradually built momentum.
Adopting Self-Care Routines for Stress Management
Preventative self-care practices are another proactive way spouses can encourage coping, as neglecting one's well-being when under pressure typically exacerbates issues over the long term. I gently stress the need for her to carve out time each day or week for regimented acts of renewal both mental and physical in nature. Making exercise a daily non-negotiable through walks together after dinner provides an outlet for pent up energy while boosting endorphins. She has also found meditation apps helpful for quieting a racing mind before bed. On weekends we set reminders for relaxing activities nurturing hobbies, creativity, spirituality or social connections as part of what I call an official "me-day."
Taking care of basic needs like nutrition, adequate sleep, mindfulness, gratitude journaling and occasional massages or other pampering all serve as protective factors in the stress process (Ganster & Rosen, 2013). When bandwidth feels limited, small daily efforts maintain a foundation of self-nurturing behaviors until more substantial self-care can be integrated back into the routine. Tracking subtle improvements—like reduced headaches or more restful sleep—fuels continued commitment as living well demands consistent investments even under constraints. Understanding mindfulness strategies modeled at home transfer to the workplace benefits employees in managing occupational strain as well.
Adapting to Change Through Communication and Compromise
Life presents constant changes requiring flexibility, yet adjusting routines or responsibilities at work can heighten stress levels without open discussion and compromise. Recently our schedules shifted as her department underwent reorganization, resulting in longer hours for a period. Together we problem-solved how to realistically maintain balance through this transition. She committing to prepared meals a few nights per week saved time otherwise spent cooking. I supported expanding childcare hours on certain days to free up more family time on others. Having frank talks set mutual understandings that change need not mean sacrificing self-care completely or reliance on an overburdened spouse—alternative solutions could support temporary demands while minimizing burnout risk.
Regular check-ins addressed how the adjustments felt over time and whether tweaks were needed. An attitude of partnership rather than martyrdom cultivated resilience through adapting collaboratively to new stressors. Recognizing life presents ebbs and flows, not crises alone, reinforced viewing stressors holistically rather than reacting hastily to isolated events. Even small gestures of understanding—an extra hug, sympathetic ear or home-cooked meal—acknowledged unseen efforts to cope with evolving responsibilities gracefully. Communication and compromise minimized feelings of being unappreciated or alone while strengthening our commitment as a team confronting life's challenges together.
Leading by Healthy Example at Home and Work
Finally, as a spouse intimately acquainted with the sources and toll of occupational stress, I strive to model the behaviors I hope to see in my partner. At home I aim to share household burdens reasonably rather than enabling an imbalance that risks depletion. My own self-care routines convey self-worth goes beyond serving others tirelessly. Limiting second-shift duties allows focus on nurturing our connection through quality interactions instead of chores alone.
Professionally, through consulting I emphasize similar strategies with organizations. Promoting mindfulness, boundary-setting, workload management, team support, compassion, work-life integration and access to wellness resources bolsters individual resilience and cultivates a culture caring for humanity above productivity. Leaders especially must practice what they preach by prioritizing renewal as a valued activity, not indulgence, conveying the message balance nurtures excellence over the long run. When employees feel cared for holistically as whole selves, commitment and performance benefit. Likewise through demonstration at home, supporting a spouse with empathy, shared responsibility and healthy lifestyle sets an example reinforcing the importance of self-care through challenges together.
Conclusion
Assisting a spouse manage work stress demands a holistic, ongoing effort recognizing demands ebb and flow. Active listening provides an outlet while boundaries, self-care, communication around obstacles, understanding amid change and leading by example instill control and reinforce sustaining well-being even under pressure. Small daily actions matter more than perfect solutions. Companionship, patience and teaming on stressors strengthen resilience both individually and as partners. While stress always exists, intentional support cultivates skills minimizing its corrosive effects on health, relationships, and quality of life over the long run.
References
Cutrona, C. E. (1996). Social support in couples. Sage.
Ganster, D. C., & Rosen, C. C. (2013). Work stress and employee health: A multidisciplinary review. Journal of Management, 39(5), 1085-1122. https://doi.org/10.1177/0149206313475815
Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. Springer publishing company.
McEwen, B. S. (1998). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators. New England journal of medicine, 338(3), 171-179. https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199801153380307
Pleck, J. H. (1977). The work-family role system. Social problems, 24(4), 417-427. https://doi.org/10.1525/sp.1977.24.4.03a00030
Jonathan H. Westover, PhD is Chief Academic & Learning Officer (HCI Academy); Chair/Professor, Organizational Leadership (UVU); OD Consultant (Human Capital Innovations). Read Jonathan Westover's executive profile here.
Suggested Citation: Westover, J. H. (2024). Supporting Your Partner's Well-Being: How to Help Your Spouse Cope with Work Stress. Human Capital Leadership Review, 12(4). doi.org/10.70175/hclreview.2020.12.4.6
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