By Sylvia Baffour
What is EI (Emotional Intelligence)?
Comedian, actress, and singer Carol Burnett once said, “Let everybody shine, because that’s the best way to look good.” When you champion others to shine, you’re orchestrating a symphony of success where every individual adds their unique melody. That sounds a lot like EI (emotional intelligence), I define it as: we need to be more intune with what others feel and need. How aware are you of your emotions at any given moment, how aware are you of the impact they have on you and others around you? This is your journey and your emotionally intelligent leadership will inspire greatness. EI isn’t just something I live on stage at my keynotes or workshops, it’s a skillset I try everyday to practice off stage. In the streets of my life as I like to say. I try to always leave others better off than I found them, and I realize how important of a skill that is when we’re trying to navigate our workspaces and life in general.
5 Emotional Intelligence Habits that Improve Leadership
1. Gaining greater external self-awareness is crucial for effective leadership. This is the kind of self-awareness that comes from others and it pretty much comprises feedback and insights you get from others about the way they experience you. It’s key to be the kind of leader whose intention and impact aren’t so far apart from each other. The way you intend for others to experience you should be very close to the way they actually experience you. Here are ways leaders can gain greater self-awareness:
Anonymized Feedback: Gathering insights directly from your team can be invaluable. Getting candid feedback can be challenging, so consider using anonymous surveys to allow people to freely share their honest thoughts.
Shadowing and Observation: Spend time shadowing team members or different departments discreetly. Watching your team in action without influencing their behavior provides insights into how your presence impacts dynamics and how individuals perform in their roles.
Reflective Journaling: Consider using a reflective journal. Capture key interactions and decisions, as well as reflections on your own perceptions and emotions. This can help you identify how your self-perception aligns with how others see you.
Hire a Coach: Engaging with a professional coach can offer objective insights into your interpersonal interactions. Coaches are skilled in identifying and addressing perceptual blind spots, enhancing both your self-awareness and external perception skills.
2. Using your emotions to work for you and not against you is also key. I typically talk about leaders using what I call Shifting Phrases to better manage their emotional triggers. Like most of us from time to time, you will get emotionally triggered. Suddenly negative self-talk creeps in. You take it personally, your next action is sabotaged. Most especially in leadership, unmanaged emotions get really harmful and toxic. Consider using Shifting Phrases to help you. Shifting phrases retrain your brain to assume positive intent until you know more. They help you become more compassionate and composed. How well do you manage your emotions in tough situations?
Someone cuts you off in traffic. Could there be a legitimate reason they are driving aggressively? Or, Could they be in a hurry for an important reason?
Someone talks over you in a meeting. Could they be unaware that they cut people off in meetings? Or, might they be eager to share their ideas without realizing the impact?
Someone you care about criticizes you. Is it possible they really mean well? Or, Is it possible they're trying to help me improve, even if it's clumsily done?
Someone says or does something that strikes a nerve. Could it be they didn’t intend to trigger me? Or, Could there be something going on with them that's causing this behavior?
3. Being more empathetic is another important EI habit to embody. Leaders who practice empathy actively listen to their team members, acknowledge their perspectives and show genuine concern for their well-being. It is very important that it is genuine. Attempting to understand someone’s feelings, experiences or motivations for your own personal gain isn’t empathic. It’s manipulative and it’s a breach of trust that contributes to a psychologically unsafe work culture. If you’re ever unsure as to whether you’re crossing the line from empathy to manipulation, simply check your intent. Who are you trying to benefit really?
4. Constructively manage conflict. Emotional intelligence equips leaders with the ability to handle conflicts in a constructive manner. They remain calm under pressure, actively seek to understand the underlying issues and work towards finding mutually beneficial solutions. They use reflective listening which entails:
Allowing the other person to feel heard and validated.
Making way for penetrating questions at the right time.
Facilitating a deeper understanding of the other person.
5. Building trust and influence. The essence of effective leadership really means, how good are you at building trust among those you lead and do you have the ability to positively influence them. I often encourage leaders to care about what I call their ‘emotional aftertaste’. Whether we realize it or not, every single person we interact with, we leave behind an emotional aftertaste. People feel a certain way for having been in our presence and I think it’s typically sweet or sour. Here are 5 things you need to keep in mind to help you build trust with those in your charge:
Be Transparent: Share information freely because this will help your employees understand what’s happening in the org, including the reasons behind critical decisions. This increases the chances that they will feel trusted and integral to the team.
Keep Your Word: Nothing builds trust like reliability. Be the kind of person who commits to something and follows through. If circumstances change, be sure to communicate why as soon as possible.
Listen Empathically: Show genuine interest in your employees' thoughts and concerns. Ask questions, clarify their points, and avoid rushing to provide solutions. Stay present with what’s being said and show that you value their contributions and see them as vital members of the team.
Acknowledge Good Work: Recognize and appreciate employees' efforts and achievements often. Consider acknowledging their contributions publicly. And remember just how far a simple thank-you can go.
Practice Fairness Consistently: Nothing ruins trust faster than employees seeing others receive special treatment. Apply policies and rules consistently across the board. You will be more trusted when they see them acting fairly and impartially, treating everyone with the same respect and consideration regardless of their role or relationship.
Sylvia Baffour is a motivational speaker and executive coach who specializes in EI (emotional intelligence). Using EI strategies, she helps companies improve their workplace culture. Sylvia has delivered keynotes and workshops for organizations such as: Capital One, The World Bank, Wells Fargo, The US Department of Defense, Whirlpool, Nationwide and SAP. She has made Hubspot's Best Female Motivational Speakers list three consecutive years thus far. In 2014, she placed among the top 18 speakers of 35K at the World Championship of Public Speaking. In 2019, she released her book, "I Dare You To Care," consisting of stories with lessons and practical emotional intelligence exercises. Find out more at https://sylviaspeaks.com/
